New Year's Rituals

Sometimes it’s hard to believe how quickly time flies by. Only a moment ago I vividly recall celebrating New Year’s Eve in a remote rural village in Romania. We stayed up to eat a feast and as midnight ticked by slowly, there was revelry and dancing in that small house that I’d only arrived at two days prior. When the moment came, fireworks boomed in the night sky and we all toasted our glasses to the new year, 2023, on the front porch. “La Multi Ani!” (Happy New Year!) could be heard by all amidst the deafening backdrop. Grapes were eaten to bring forth financial prosperity for good measure. But just when you’d think the party would end, the second feast began in the late hours of that night. This one involved fish as the main star: another Romanian tradition that ushered in an easy year ahead filled with good health and fortune.   

It feels like it only happened yesterday. 

And now that moment has gone and it’s already mid-January of 2023. For myself, I’m simply glad that the memory of New Year’s Eve happened. No expectations were held for the coming year. But for many others counting down the seconds to 2023, it may have also been a momentous occasion for yet another New Year’s resolution.

Some aim for smaller goals, many aim higher. There’s always this drastic undertaking involved, isn’t there? Everyone feels compelled to tackle a trendy new challenge (Dry January/Veganuary). Or they commit to an ambitious endeavour: taking up a health & fitness gauntlet, learning something new, quitting a bad habit and so forth.

In the end, New Year’s Day becomes yet another solemn silent vow (or loud declaration) to strive for greatness. While these resolutions are well-intentioned, a great number of them are daring.

Seeking discomfort is a good thing. But sometimes the reason behind these resolutions comes from misplaced intentions.

The resolutions inevitably mutate into a self-revolution. It becomes an internal struggle to become better than you were – because who you were before 2023 doesn’t feel good enough. People see it as a blank slate to rewrite past choices and actions.

“New Year, New Me”.

This idea of reinventing oneself every new year is akin to the endless movie reboots that Hollywood churns out every year. It simply doesn’t work. So why are we obsessed with reshaping who we are? I think a part of it distils down to the thought, “When I achieve “X”, I’ll be happy”. 

But will you be happier?

Now that Blue Monday is here, I imagine a lot of people are disheartened, disgruntled and displeased with their results so far. A day that is statistically declared the “saddest day of the year”, for several reasons, including the fact that many resolutions are dumped by then. We’re weighing these New Year’s intentions up to ridiculously high standards. Sometimes, they’re lofty and far out of reach. 

There’s so much emphasis placed on this first month of the year. Sure, January is considered a time of renewal, the period of new beginnings. But we’ve indoctrinated this idea that we need a sense of rebirth and this change must especially fall at the beginning of every new year. Why? 

Change happens throughout our lives. Some changes we can control, others we cannot. But if someone wants to make a conscious change in their life, there doesn’t need to be an appointed hour, day, week, or month for it. We don’t have to delay change for a special occasion. It can happen whenever and wherever we want. 

Also, many of the changes we seek are lifestyle adjustments: they’re going to take several months, even years before we see a tangible result. Unless it’s a month-long challenge, no one will have achieved what they want by now. For example, if you’re on a fitness journey for weight loss, it’s going to take a tremendous amount of will and self-discipline to achieve. You may not see the results you want for years. That is when the power of consistency becomes your best friend.

January doesn’t have to be the start-point and end-point on this journey for self-improvement and discovery. The month doesn’t have to be the time for a sacred ritual of renewal. Instead, it can be another calendar month in our lives. It is the second month of winter, a continuation from December into the season. We’re all continuing along this chapter from 2022; things haven’t reset now that we’ve entered 2023. The world has kept spinning regardless of the calendar year.   

Perhaps it’s better to take the opportunity of this month to reflect on the past, present, and future; to figure out what we want and evaluate what matters. Maybe then we’ll see that we don’t need to always reinvent ourselves. Instead, if we want to keep the sacred ritual of resolutions sustainable, we can simply figure out ways that can nourish us instead of punishing ourselves. 

Now, to those who’ve already broken their resolution in mid-January: maybe it’s been once, twice or several times already. It doesn’t matter. If you really value the goal and it is both nourishing for you and sustainable long-term, then you should continue pursuing it. However, even if the resolution doesn’t work out after January has passed, don’t worry about it. We’re all fallible and prone to failure at the best of times. What matters more is that we’ve tried and given it our time and effort. And who knows, maybe that habit will come echoing back later in the year and we’ll have a chance to revive it again.   

In my view, New Year’s rituals are not about self-reinvention, they’re actually ceremonies that honour the human condition. 

So be kinder to yourself. Honour the memories you’ve had so far in 2022 and before, and the memories that will come along the way in 2023. Maybe then you’ll forgive the urgency for drastic change. Maybe then we’ll appreciate the rest of January and not bear it with the incredible weight of noteworthy feats that we tick off life’s checklist. A new year is not about renewal, it’s about the continuation of the beautiful lives we get to experience.