If People Only Knew
I’ve always hated the term “overnight success”. It is a delusion that robs people of their achievements. It negates all the hard work and effort, the endless years of toil, the self-discipline and willpower to remain consistent on one’s chosen path. Be it fame or fortune, more often than not, the people we admire have endeavoured to reach unattainable heights of success by sacrificing a lot.
Think about it: How many people in your life do you know who were naturally gifted with the traits and abilities you envy?
If we really thought about it, we’d realise that we’re only scratching the superficial surface of their experiences. I’m inclined to believe that most people are not naturally talented. Some may display extraordinary potential, but that doesn’t mean that what they set out to achieve didn’t require tremendous work ethic for them to become exceptional.
But because there’s no insight into the process – the journey leading to their achievement – we deny all the ebbs and flows on the river of progress.
Perhaps it’s perpetuated by the idea of “faking it till we make it”: to express confidence and competence when we lack them. Those role models who inspire us: the athletes, the savants, the fashion icons, the travellers, and the artists, all appear confident and competent in the public eye. Their image and reputation precedes them. In a way, our society idolises such paragons of success.
Ironically, it makes our society love and hate them in equal measure. Some of us revere them, but we also want a taste of their fame and accomplishment as if it will fulfil our deepest desires.
Honestly, I used to feel the same way: I’d get envious of those more athletic, more intelligent, more attractive, more cultured, more artistic than me (so, basically the vast majority of public figures). As if somehow it negated anything that I had to offer.
It made me feel “less than”.
Contrary to society’s beliefs, overnight success is a toxic ideal that does more damage than people realise.
Since anyone that falls below that benchmark is considered a lesser success; they’re not praised nor showcased as much as the individuals who are considered unparalleled in their field.
Why is that? Do we all have to be great to be worthy?
It’s this façade of overnight results – the instant gratification – that everyone praises. Yet, when we see someone who is just “starting out” on their path we immediately think that they’re chasing dreams. A fairytale that will never come to fruition. It feels like an insufferable bout of amnesia: people deny those who are trying to cultivate their talents at the source of the river; considering what these “novices” are doing is not a “real job” and that they should fall in line along with everyone else. We’re told to seek out full-time paid work in a lucrative field and do just that: as if that is the only sure-fire way to [financial] success.
We’re told to tread along the safer road alongside the river instead.
But as soon as they see the novice’s “overnight success” come to fruition, then that entire mantra that they told them years ago simply vanishes in thin air.
Maybe it’s time we dismantle this old framework of thinking:
This perpetual envy of the destination that the “success stories” reached, but never once considering to row along the same journey to get there.
People only see the best of us. They rarely get a glimpse of the worst of us.
They don’t see all the things that happened along the journey: the mental breakdowns, the frustrations and anger, the crippling obstacles, the self-doubts and low self-esteem. It is as if society only wants to champion the stoic self upon a pedestal, whilst negating the rest of human hardship and sacrifice.
But consider this: what if it’s okay to not be okay 100% of the time?...
…And what if it’s okay to show this?
It’s not a sign of weakness. Vulnerability doesn’t equate to desperation: in fact, it’s quite the opposite - it’s a symbol of strength. The ability to humble oneself and ask for help whenever it is required from those who love us.
The journey to our ambitions isn’t supposed to be a “lone wolf’s venture”. This ideal of “overnight success” is actually built upon the foundations of love, compassion and tolerance from those dear to our hearts. Family and friends who act as the little cheerleaders who propel us forward, further than we could have ever imagined.
Especially on those darker days, when there isn’t a foreseeable future in sight towards our dreams and ambitions. We need to learn to rely on our inner circles for support in such times; in those moments when we feel like quitting because we can’t navigate along the river of progress. Sometimes in those moments of giving up, we need these peoples’ valued opinions. Feedback to help us self-correct or even change paths if we need to.
However, the idea of giving up doesn’t mean that we’ve given up on ambitions and dreams. No, it’s acknowledging the setbacks and shortcomings, allowing ourselves to embrace failures in the guise of humility and rejection. Only when we’ve appreciated the lessons we’ve learned along the way, can we eventually move forward with the next step (whatever that may look like for us).
But the public eye never sees any of this.
They only see the aftermath. And I believe this does a disservice to the individual who attained their success.
Since such moments of adversity are ingrained into everyday living. We all experience it every waking day of our lives. The hardships and sacrifices are clear in view, they’re just not always acknowledged.
Maybe we often forget that we’re not meant to come out of life unscathed.
Unfortunately, it’s always going to be a difficult road whatever you choose to set out to do with your life.
We think we already acknowledge this, yet whenever we see a scope of someone else’s social media life, that filtered lens fills us with envy and resentment.
An echo creeps into our consciousness: “Why am I not there yet?”, the inner call of ambition that resonates from the deep. Despite what we’re subjected to in our feeds, there shouldn't be lowered expectations of the path to success. There will inevitably be a lot of adversity. It comes with charting unfamiliar territory. While navigating the river of progress may not necessarily take us where we want to be, we’ll always learn invaluable lessons along the way.
So while not everyone will be a paragon of success no matter how much we strive to be, there’s no need to deny anyone’s hard work and effort that was expended along the way.
Remember, for those who’re still pursuing their endeavours and for those who have already attained their success, never let anyone deny everything you sacrificed to get there. Perhaps not everyone will acknowledge all your hard work and effort, those endless years of toil, and the self-discipline and willpower you expended to remain consistent on your chosen path. But there will always be other fellow risk-takers who will commend everything that led to your inevitable success.
As for myself, I don’t know what lies further ahead on the river for me. Despite this, I’m sure as hell navigating the stream as long as I can anyway.
Day 22 - This piece was posted as part of the 31 Days of Content Challenge that I undertook in March 2022.